"The First Day in the Joint" - May 1, 2025
Getting settled into your cell on the first day raises some questions...
Every Thursday, Silver Gecko Publishing highlights one of my stories, either a work of short fiction, a novel, or an audiobook. This week’s selection is the short story “The First Day in the Joint,” from the anthology COSMIC TALES, available on Kindle, and in paperback.
Back in the 90s, I was a bit of an arrogant boob. Oh, I’m still an arrogant boob, but now I’m an arrogant boob with a little more wisdom behind my wrinkles and grey hair. And that means I have a little more discretion. Still, there’s something to be said for the message in this story (thought it doesn’t quite jibe with some of the incarceration issues facing the world today… but I digress).
This was written in my burst of short-short stories in the mid-90s, and for this once, the formula worked. I sold it to a small mag called Keen Science Fiction in 1996. Score another paycheck to cover my lunch at McDonalds!
For more on this story, check out the comments I have in the Notes of COSMIC TALES…
Not much to my delight was the accompanied artwork commissioned by the publisher. It wasn’t as off-base as the illustrations in Kilgore Trout’s stories from Kurt Vonnegut’s Breakfast of Champions. But it was a great lesson in how the editorial process sometimes fails the final project.
If you’ve read the story, you know what it’s about. But I don’t think the artist was sent the story; just the title. This is why the story featured an artist’s rendering of Richard Nixon behind bars in a striped prison chain gang uniform.
Huh? All politics aside, Tricky Dick was the farthest thing from my mind when I wrote this.
In the end, this story was a win for me because it saw real ink and a cash payment, both shrinking trends at the dawn of the Internet age.
And since it’s one of those short-short stories, I am able to present it to you in its full glory… enjoy!
-Kevin Carr
Click here to buy my books on Amazon.
Click here to buy my audiobooks on Audible.
Click here to follow me on TikTok.
Illustration by mansurtlyakov1 (@mansurtlyakov1) from Pixabay
The First Day in the Joint by Kevin Carr
The clerk looked up at the murderer and smiled.
“Hello,” the clerk said. “Is this your first time here?”
“Uh, yeah,” the murderer said. “Isn’t it everyone’s first time here?”
“You’d be surprised.”
“I thought that when you came here, you were here for good.”
“Used to be that way,” the clerk said, resting the registration pen down on the desktop. “But now, with all the new ‘improvements,’ you can get out if you behave. Just pull the right strings and push the right buttons. We do get quite a few returns, but what can you expect? I guess this place has what you’d call a revolving door policy.”
The murderer nodded. Then, he said, “Well, let’s get on with it.”
“Okay,” the clerk said. “You sleep in your own room with possible visits depending on behavior. The system will provide you with three balanced meals a day and frequent breaks during labor hours.”
“Sounds pretty routine, so far,” the murderer said.
“On your free time,” the clerk continued, “you can attend private classes and seminars provided by the system. We also offer counseling sessions to help you cope with your stay plus an extensive recreation room.”
“You try to take care of us, don’t you,” the murderer asked.
The clerk nodded absently and continued to speak: “If your temperature comfort shall require, air conditioning can be accessed from your quarters. Any injury you sustain will be taken care of on the system’s health care policy.”
“Ya’ know,” the murderer said, “this is a pretty good deal. I didn’t have some of these things back home. What about cable?”
The clerk nodded. “You will have the basic service, plus Showtime, Cinemax, and The Movie Channel.”
“No HBO?” the murderer asked.
“Cut us some slack,” the clerk said, playing nervously with one of the two black horns protruding from his bright red scalp. “This ain’t Heaven.”